I hold myself, ready to break
Asking myself, am I awake
I look at the safety pin and sigh
I'd rather sit here and cry
But when does crying get to be enough?
When will the pain be too much?
I pick it up and examine my choice
Is this all the gain a voice?
Maybe this is a secret love affair
Every time I hurt, it's the only thing that cares
Am I psychotic or am I sane?
What will I get from this, what will I gain?
It scrapes across my skin and I feel a rush
There is a spread of an outward blush
No broken skin, just a scratch
Am I really that detached?
Is it that trivial, the position I'm in?
Wanting only to split my skin
Does this make me like everyone else?
When I only wanted to be myself
And as I'm thinking the tears are falling
The argument I'm having is appalling
Why would I do this, hurting myself?
When do I feel I'm the only one left?
I hold my breath and scratch again
Safety pin, you're my only friend
You never intentionally hurt my feelings
You always help me with my emotional healing
You're always there, through the good and the bad
You're the bestest friend that I've ever had
But what about the people who are supposed to care
My so-called friends who are "always there"
You never catch them trying to take the time
To close these open wounds of mine
So what, maybe I am disturbed
But into this circle I was lured
Now I'm bleeding inside and out
I'm too weak to even shout
Am I even myself anymore?
I don't remember what conversations are for
I scratch again and this time I bleed
This is on what my emotions feed
This moment of triumph, the sickness within
The blood spilling out over my tattered skin
The uplifting rush and my nerves on fire
Nothing other could take me higher
It seems to be the only time I'm alive
These are the rules that I live by
Everyday I seem to make it through
And every night I cut myself for you
Some people say it's healthy but I know it's not
It's not healthy if it hurts a lot
But who hurts me more, me or you?
You cause more damage than the safety pin could do
So am I supposed to nod my head?
And keep this weight inside me like lead
I need some way to filter it out
This is something you know nothing about
I'm supposed to be the sane one to whom you're compared
But you clothed me when the real me was bared
I move my cuts more up and down my arm
Now not caring that I'm inflicting harm
I have to cut away all memories of you
Before I kill myself too
The scars seem to be contagious
But the red is so vivacious
You've killed me but I feel the pain
I wish somehow it would abstain
What if the rumors were all true?
I would forever stick next to you
But it's not the same case when it comes to me
You would leave so quickly
All the time I try to express
And get these feelings off my chest
Suddenly I'm the one who's annoying
With whose emotions are you toying?
Did it ever occur to you that I care?
And there's only so much that I can bear
I feel like I'm about to break
How much is a person allowed to take?
Tonight, I slit my wrists and wait to die
Pouring out my thoughts of you and I
The blood pooling around me, my only strength
For someone who said, for me, they'd go any length
When everyday I seem to make it through
And every night I cut myself for you
Tonight I killed myself for the cause
Undeserving of a final applause
This time I didn't make it through
Tonight I killed myself for you